Gas and poo....I'm coming out !!!

I don't know what Presbyterian feeds and gives these patients to drink but all my patients are having some issues with their bodily functions. I am just going to tell you about the most funny patient stories. So yesterday my CI and I were getting this man (with a stroke and Parkinsons) into the standing position and I swear he wasn't standing for more than a minute when the patient said, "Oops, I just dropped in my pants." A few minutes later my CI and I looked at each other and thought to ourselves....YES YOU DID. So we had to clean him up and go to our next patient who had a brain tumor removed 2 weeks ago. So I was ambulating with her down the hall and she says, "I think I just farted" followed by "I did fart, and it was big one!". Needless to say that I am gagging at this point because I'm following behind her holding onto the gait belt. Then, today this same lady had more gas and every time I had her contract her glut med she let some more go (literally every time!!) and once again I'm standing in back. So I finally learned my lesson and started guarding in front and then she began coughing in my face. So if I don't make it back to school in March you know it is because I died from all the toxic fumes!!!